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knitting

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Grandma Knits Cozy Warm Woolen Covid Masks

March 27, 2021 Andrew

NIAGARA-ON-THE-LAKE, ON Grandma Stobbe and 4/5ths of the Stobbe tauntes have been keeping themselves busy this past winter by knitting delightful wool covid masks for all their frintschoft. “Oh, dank, Oma, I love it!” said […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Sews World’s Largest Rag Rug

May 5, 2019 Andrew

BLUMENHOF, MB Working at a feverish pace while her husband Norm watched Jets games this winter, Mrs. Edna Dueck of Blumenhof is on pace to create the world’s largest rag rug by the end of […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Town Implements Needle Exchange Program for Knitting-Addicted Grandmas

December 20, 2017 Andrew

BIRD-IN-HAND, PA The small Mennonite town of Bird-in-Hand, Pennsylvania has become the first community in the nation to introduce a knitting needle exchange program for local grandmas. Starting this January, local knitters will be able […]

The Daily Bonnet

Police Seize Massive Stockpile of Knitted Hangers

October 5, 2017 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Seven Mennonite grandmas from Altona were taken into custody by authorities this Monday after a massive stash of knitted hangers was discovered in the lobby of the local MB church. It was the […]

Unger Suspicion

A List of Things Hipsters Stole from Mennonites

September 25, 2017 Andrew

Stop stealing all our best ideas, hipsters! Mennonites don’t want to be “hip.” We’ve made concerted efforts over the last few centuries to be the most uncool people you can imagine, so we’d appreciate if […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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