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jesus

Unger Conviction

Local Heart Surgeon Locates Jesus

December 1, 2018 Andrew

WINKLER, MB A local surgeon has finally discovered the exact location of Jesus in the human heart. Just this past week, Dr. Penner opened up Mr. Klassen’s ticker and found Jesus. “Scientists have been trying […]

The Daily Bonnet

Six Hospitalized After Jesus Takes the Wheel

August 30, 2018 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Four Yoders and two Millers were rushed to the hospital in Goshen this week after Mr. Yoder decided to relinquish his driving duties and let Jesus take over. “I was heading down the […]

Quizzes

Quiz: Is it a sin or is it NOT a sin?

June 22, 2018 Andrew

Let’s face it, a lot of the stuff the elders claimed was sinful was just made up at a board meeting back in the 1960s sometime. Still, if you’ve been raised in a strict Mennonite […]

Unger Suspicion

Government Needs Your Help in Tracking Down Family of Asylum Seekers Who Crossed the Border Late Last Night

June 20, 2018 Andrew

NATIONAL BORDER REGION The federal government is seeking the public’s help in tracking down a family of undocumented migrants who are believed to have crossed the border into the country in the middle of the […]

Unger & Thirst

Fourth Wiseman Rejected for Bringing Halva

December 23, 2017 Andrew

BETHLEHEM, JUDEA The fourth wiseman, Peter Wiebe, who followed the star all the way from the East Reserve, was apparently turned away at the entrance to Bethlehem this week for bringing the dry chalky substance […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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