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The Daily Bonnet

Top Ten Things for Mennonites to Do at the Lake this Weekend

August 6, 2017 Andrew

I was in church this morning. It was just me and Pastor Dave. It wasn’t bad, but the sermon felt a little personal, you know? Well, anyway, since you’re all out camping, I’ve decided to […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Claims ‘Prophetic Gift’ After Predicting Rain this May Long Weekend

May 21, 2017 Andrew

MITCHELL, MB Local man Andrew R. Penner has declared himself a prophet of God after he accurately predicted there would be heavy rain this Victoria Day long weekend. “See, look, I told you so,” said […]

Unger Conviction

‘Reverse Lent’ Begins Today for Devout Mennonites

March 1, 2017 Andrew

DALLAS, OR On Ash Wednesday, Mennonites across the world cease their regular practice of abstaining from anything pleasurable and instead take up a wide variety of unhealthy habits. Local woman Patricia Voth, 65, of the small […]

The Daily Bonnet

2016 Mennonite Christmas Shopping Guide – Ten Thousand Villages vs. Wal-Mart

December 10, 2016 Andrew

With the Christmas season fast approaching, Mennonites around the globe are faced with a quite the quandary about where to spend their holiday dollars (or guaraní). On the one hand, Mennonites are more-or-less obliged to get the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Store Offers Amazing 10% Off Black Friday Sale

November 25, 2016 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON In order to keep Southern Ontario Mennonites from zipping over the border for Black Friday deals, local Mennonite businesses have drastically reduced prices in order to compete. Rempel Electronics, for example, is offering unprecedented […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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