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health

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Totally Immune to the Corona Virus

January 29, 2020 Andrew

CUAUHTEMOC, MEXICO While panic is setting in around the world, one Mennonite man in Mexico is not in the least bit concerned about the Corona virus. “I’m immune,” says Mr. Ens. “I haven’t touched the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Demands Quackery be Covered By Provincial Health Insurance

November 26, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local woman Mrs. Dueck, 57, of North Kildonan has racked up more than $15,000 over the past couple years in quackery bills and says it’s time the provincial government covers the cost. “They […]

Unger Suspicion

Entire Province of Manitoba to Call in Sick Tomorrow

November 24, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After the Winnipeg Blue Bombers ended a 29 year drought and won the 2019 Grey Cup on Sunday, not a single person in the entire province of Manitoba plans to show up to […]

Unger & Thirst

Feds to Open Forty New Safe Schmaunt Fat Injection Sites

November 21, 2019 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON The federal government just announced this week a plan to open up more than forty supervised injection sites in Mennonite communities around the country. “We’re going to provide people with cottage cheese and […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Seniors Destroy Team of Youngsters on Pickleball Court

September 26, 2019 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB The team of Peter Heppner, 78, and Lois Brandt, 81, totally destroyed some young novices on the pickleball court at the Seniors Centre this week. “No one beats a Mennonite senior at pickleball,” […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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