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Unger Conviction

Visitor to Mennonite Church Blinded By All the Blond Hair

November 3, 2017 Andrew

BLUMENHOF, MB Winnipeg resident Angela Ricci, 28, was rushed to the hospital this past Sunday after being temporarily blinded by the overabundance of blond hair at Blumenhof Mennonite Church. “That volume of blond hair can […]

Unger Suspicion

Burton Cummings to Donate His Moustache to Charity

October 1, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Legendary Canadian rocker Burton Cummings is set to become a little bit lighter this weekend after agreeing to shave his signature moustache and auction it off for charity. “We’re thinking his moustache could […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Grandmas Awarded $3 Billion in Man Bun Lawsuit

April 22, 2017 Andrew

VANCOUVER, BC After an exhausting three-month class action lawsuit, a BC patent court has ruled in favour of Mennonite Grandmas over the use of the man bun. The court awarded the Grandmas $3.2 billion in […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Has ‘Unfair Head Start’ on Movember Beard

November 2, 2016 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB A local Mennonite man has taken advantage of his ample facial hair to “totally kick butt” in a local Movembeard contest. “Like Samson of old, I have not, cannot, and will not shave,” said […]

The Daily Bonnet

Rumours Fly as Young Woman Gets a Haircut

October 28, 2016 Andrew

ROSENHOF, MB The rumour mill was running in full force this weekend after local woman Marilynne Klassen, 32, went to one of those weltlijch city hairdressers and came back with the “shortest haircut we’ve ever […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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