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The Daily Bonnet

Henry Reimer to Move to the Corner of Henry and Reimer

April 17, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Thanks to a new Steinbach law, residents will now be allowed to inhabit the street corners that match their names. First to take advantage of this new law was Henry Reimer, 71, formerly […]

Uncategorized

Albertans Gladly ‘Render Unto Notley What is Notley’s’

April 11, 2017 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB Three months after Alberta Premier Rachel Notley introduced a new carbon tax in the oil rich province, millions of Albertans have responded with unprecedented positivity that pundits have described as “remarkably Christlike.” “We’re seeing a […]

The Daily Bonnet

’25 Minutes to Steinbach’ Sign Fails to Withstand Scientific Testing

April 3, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB For decades a sign just outside of Winnipeg on Highway 1 informed drivers that they were just “25 minutes” from Steinbach, the Automobile City. However, rigorous scientific research has proven that the 25 minute estimate […]

The Daily Bonnet

Typo Leads Ted Falk Supporters to TED Talk

March 7, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB A minute spelling error in a newspaper ad led hundreds of Ted Falk voters to a lecture hall at the University of Manitoba this past week. Instead of a speech by the Provencher MP, they […]

The Daily Bonnet

Census: Steinbach Population to Surpass Winnipeg by 2217

March 6, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The recent Canadian census has sparked a rivalry between the growing Mennonite town of Steinbach and its (currently) much larger provincial capital. If current rates of growth continue, Steinbach, already the third-largest community in […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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