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The Daily Bonnet

Steinbachers Elect Peter Falk as New MP

May 26, 2021 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Continuing their longstanding tradition of electing Falks and Barkmans, residents of Steinbach have resoundingly decided to send Peter Falk to Ottawa. “We were happy with Ted, but when we heard we could get […]

Unger Suspicion

“I Can’t Believe the Mormons Have that Extra Holy Book,” Says Christian Man Who Literally Worships the US Constitution

May 12, 2021 Andrew

GRAND FORKS, ND Local man and constitution-worshipper Henry Unger says he just “can’t believe the Mormons have all these extra holy books that they added centuries later.” For Unger, it’s just the Old Testament, New […]

Unger Suspicion

Government Now Requiring Masks to Fully Cover Douchey Neck Tattoos

May 3, 2021 Andrew

THUNDER BAY, ON After nationwide protests saw a “disturbing” presence of neck tattoos, bleach-blonde hair, and mirrored sunglasses, the Government of Canada issued a new health advisory requiring “all douchey neck tattoos” to be fully […]

Unger Suspicion

Federal Government Borrows $400 Billion from Industrious Mennonite Farmer

April 25, 2021 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON The Canadian government just announced a record-setting deficit of nearly 400 billion dollars for the year 2020, which has people wondering just where they’re going to come up with the money. The answer, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite MP Caught Leaving His Webcam On During Meddachschlop

April 15, 2021 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON In what is certainly the most embarrassing moment in Canadian parliamentary history, a Mennonite MP left his webcam on while enjoying a lovely Sunday afternoon meddachschlop. “I’d like to apologize to everyone who […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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