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Unger Suspicion

A List of Things American Mennonites Can Buy with their $600 Stimulus Checks

January 23, 2021 Andrew

The check (sic) is in the mail! To ease the troubled financial situation that many Americans are facing these days, Senators and Members of Congress who make $174,000 a year have generously consented to sending […]

Unger Conviction

Local Church Allowed to Reopen After Agreeing to Host Sunday Morning Floor Hockey Tournaments

January 13, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB A church in Winnipeg will be reopening this Sunday after agreeing to host a floor hockey tournament and not do any praying or singing. “It was some tough negotiating, but the government agreed […]

The Daily Bonnet

Senator Gets Lost on the Way to Landmark, Manitoba

January 8, 2021 Andrew

LANDMARK, MB On his way to Landmark, Manitoba during the holidays, Canadian Senator Don Plett got totally disoriented and somehow wound up in a beautiful Mexican resort instead. “Diewel, these roads are confusing,” said Plett. […]

Unger Suspicion

U.S. Capitol to Be Replaced with One Massive Banana Republic

January 7, 2021 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC Just hours after an embarrassing security breach at the United States Capitol building, government officials announced the commencement of major renovations to turn the place into a “totally epic” Banana Republic outlet store. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite MLAs Concerned “Cabinet Shuffle” Might Be Some Kind of Dance

January 6, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB There was great concern among the Mennonite members of caucus after Manitoba Premier Brian Pallister announced a “cabinet shuffle” this afternoon. “We’re Mennonites. I’m not so sure we should be doing this,” said […]

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