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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Family Looking Forward to Delightful Illegal Gathering this Easter

April 1, 2021 Andrew

SCHRATJLIJCH, MB Plans are already in the works for a delightfully illegal Easter this year. The Hiebert family of Schratjlijch, Manitoba, for example, have been dutifully shopping, cooking, and otherwise preparing for their first illegal […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winkler Officials Worried About Potential Koop D’Etat

February 5, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB After recent takeover attempts in Mynamar and Washington, government officials in Winkler are concerned about a potential Koop d’etat in their neck of the woods, too. “Those Koops. Always unsatisfied with the democractic […]

Unger Suspicion

A List of Things American Mennonites Can Buy with their $600 Stimulus Checks

January 23, 2021 Andrew

The check (sic) is in the mail! To ease the troubled financial situation that many Americans are facing these days, Senators and Members of Congress who make $174,000 a year have generously consented to sending […]

Unger Conviction

Local Church Allowed to Reopen After Agreeing to Host Sunday Morning Floor Hockey Tournaments

January 13, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB A church in Winnipeg will be reopening this Sunday after agreeing to host a floor hockey tournament and not do any praying or singing. “It was some tough negotiating, but the government agreed […]

The Daily Bonnet

Senator Gets Lost on the Way to Landmark, Manitoba

January 8, 2021 Andrew

LANDMARK, MB On his way to Landmark, Manitoba during the holidays, Canadian Senator Don Plett got totally disoriented and somehow wound up in a beautiful Mexican resort instead. “Diewel, these roads are confusing,” said Plett. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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