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Unger & Thirst

Young Man Comes Out as Vegetarian

November 27, 2016 Andrew

EDENTHAL, MB Apart from a few pickled items, consumption of vegetables has never been a high priority within Mennonite culinary tradition, so when Abram and Kathy Giesbrecht’s son Justin came out as a vegetarian, the family […]

Unger & Thirst

Chef Gordon Ramsay Has Absolutely No Criticism for Mennonite Girls

September 21, 2016 Andrew

LONDON, UK Surly British chef and television host Gordon Ramsay was briefly tongued-tied on Friday, after being stunned by the kitchen chops of Mennonite cookbook author Lovella Schellenberg and her team who appeared on Ramsay’s television […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Works His Usual 18 Hours on Labour Day

September 5, 2016 Andrew

YARROW, BC Exhibiting the most extreme manifestation of the “Protestant work ethic,” local butcher Helmut Siemens of Yarrow spent every waking moment making farmer sausage this Labour Day. “I don’t take a day off unless it’s the […]

Unger & Thirst

Man Unleashes String of Profanity After Being Served Roll Kuchen Without Corn Syrup

August 16, 2016 Andrew

HALBSTADT, MB Seniors at a church picnic this past Sunday had never heard such a sustained outburst of expletives as were unleashed by 83-year-old Wilmar F. Wiebe of Halbstadt after discovering he would have to consume […]

Unger & Thirst

Vacant Safeway Store to Become One Massive Tim Hortons

August 8, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Empty since being purchased and shut down by national grocery chain Sobey’s, the old Safeway store in Steinbach is rumoured to be turned into Canada’s largest Tim Hortons restaurant. “There already is a […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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