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flowers

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Men Clamour to Buy Discount Flowers Two Days After Valentine’s Day

February 16, 2023 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Romantic Mennonite men across the Fraser Valley flocked to the mall this afternoon to get their hands on cheap flowers and discount chocolates. “Ahh, honey, you shouldn’t have!” said Mrs. Enns, giving her […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Awarded Top Prize in Annual Southern Manitoba Flower Festival

May 30, 2019 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Competition has been fierce this spring, but Mrs. Epp of Steinbach has come out on top at the annual Southern Manitoba Flower Festival. “I heard there were about 1.3 million competitors this year,” […]

The Daily Bonnet

Breaking News! Abbotsford Woman’s Daisies Are Already Blooming

February 7, 2019 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Local woman Mrs. Kehler has been rubbing it in to all her Manitoba friends this week after her daisies sprung up a few days ago. “Check it out, suckers! You’ve still got ten […]

The Daily Bonnet

Facebook Bans Mennonite Ladies from Posting Pictures of Flowers

August 24, 2016 Andrew

MENLO PARK, CA After controversially banning mothers from posting breast feeding pictures, reports indicate that social media giant Facebook is now planning a ban on pictures of flowers. The news has been met with strong […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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