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economy

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Hedge Funds Shorting Stock at Quilt Auction

January 29, 2021 Andrew

BUCKS COUNTY, PA Mennonite quilt stocks have been soaring this week after a group of Mennonites on Reddit decided to bankrupt the billionaire Mennonite church elders who’d been shorting the precious quilt stock. “Honestly, I […]

Unger Suspicion

Productivity Way Down as Canadians Spend All Day Refreshing Test Results Page

October 29, 2020 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC A new study out of the University of Chilliwack has attributed the entirety of Canada’s economic downturn to the fact that Canadians are spending all every day refreshing their Covid test result screens. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Wonder Oil Prices Close in the Negative for First Time in History

April 21, 2020 Andrew

WINKLER, MB When the bell rang to end trading at the Winker Wonder Oil Exchange on Monday afternoon, Mrs. Schellenberg and the others stood in disbelief. “I was in shock! Minus thirty-eight dollars for a […]

Unger Suspicion

Blues Albums Seeing a Huge Surge in Sales Right Now

March 30, 2020 Andrew

CHICAGO, IL Things have been so awful the past month or so, that is seems people are turning to music for a little bit of solace. As a result, blues albums have risen to the […]

Unger & Thirst

Even Borscht is No Longer ‘Cheap as Borscht’ After Surge in Cabbage Prices

February 19, 2020 Andrew

YARROW, BC A cabbage spill on the highway in British Columbia this week has resulted in a cabbage shortage and a corresponding surge in prices. This has sent Mennonites across the globe searching for a […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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