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donuts

Unger & Thirst

Mennonites Gather at Relief Sale to Get their Hands on Fresh Tea Balls

May 28, 2022 Andrew

NEW HAMBURG, ON While the New Hamburg relief sale has dozens of delicious treats from donuts and fleisch piroschki to cream buns and roll kuchen, what Mennonites really like to bring out this time of […]

Unger & Thirst

Area Man Mistakes Freedom Convoy for Timmies Line

January 27, 2022 Andrew

THUNDER BAY, ON Local man Dan Friesen, 51, was heading out for his daily double-double and chocolate cream glazed, when he entered what he thought was just the regular Timmies line. “I thought nothing of […]

Unger Suspicion

Tim Hortons Collaborates with Gordon Lightfoot for New ‘Gordon Bits’

December 22, 2021 Andrew

HAMILTON, ON Fresh off the heals of their Justin Bieber collaboration, donut manufacturer Tim Hortons has decided to make sweet tasty balls with the second most legendary Canadian musician they could find, Gordon Lightfoot. “I […]

Unger & Thirst

Tim Hortons Collabs with Mr. Wiebe to Offer New Line of Mennonite Products

December 11, 2021 Andrew

OAKVILLE, ON Justin Wiebe, 23, of London, Ontario has just signed a lucrative $8,000,000 contract to design Mennonite-inspired Timbits and other products for Timmies locations across Canada. “They approached me in the MB lot after […]

Unger Suspicion

Angry Mob Demands that Trudeau Subsist Entirely on Timbits

January 21, 2020 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Typical Canada. Donuts made headlines across the nation today. “We interrupt our coverage of various real tragedies and important situations around the globe to bring you this important news about donuts!” Thousands of […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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