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Unger the Influence

JD Vance Has ‘Cringey’ Visit to Mennonite Roll Kuchen Shop

August 26, 2024 Andrew

REEDLEY, CA Vice Presidential hopeful JD Vance stopped by in one of Reedley, California’s famous roll kuchen shops this week to pick up an order and win over a few voters. However, things did not […]

Unger & Thirst

Steinbach Woman Calls Police About Long Line at Krispy Kreme

June 23, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Area woman Mrs. Hiebert, 81, of Steinbach called in a police report this morning after she noticed a long time of vehicles stretching all the way from the new Kripsy Kreme in Winnipeg, […]

Unger & Thirst

Tim Hortons to Replace Timbits with Mennonite Zwieback

June 14, 2024 Andrew

NORTH KILDONAN, MB Canadian donut giant Tim Hortons held a press conference on Henderson Highway this afternoon to announce a new item on the menu – Mennonite zwieback – well, just the tops anyway. “For […]

Unger & Thirst

Winnipeg Mennonites Demand Roll Kuchen at New Krispy Kreme Store

January 17, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The excitement is palpable in Winnipeg for the new Krispy Kreme store. One demographic will not be satisfied, however, until a few changes are made. “We can get a donut anywhere,” said Art […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Family’s Been Eating Nothing but Mini Donuts for the Past Week

June 19, 2022 Andrew

NIVERVILLE, MB The Wiebes of Niverville have been subsisting on nothing but mini donuts breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the past week. “It all started at the Niverville Fair last weekend. I think we ate […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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