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crokinole

Unger the Influence

Crokinole Board Hauled Out to Quiet Divisive Political Discussions

December 29, 2024 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC The political discussions got so heated at the Loewen gathering this past week, that Mrs. Annie Loewen decided “enough was enough,” and decided to haul out the kjnipsbrat, which studies have shown is […]

Unger Games

LeBron James Quits Basketball to Take on New Challenge: Crokinole

February 8, 2023 Andrew

LOS ANGELES, CA Moments after setting the NBA All-Time scoring record and solidifying his place as the GOAT of basketball, LeBron James decided to retire from the sport to take on the greatest challenge of […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Blames Loss on Slightly-Raised Staple

January 2, 2023 Andrew

ROSETOWN, MB Area man Steve Kroeker, 67, of Rosetown went home really grumpy after the annual Kroeker Kjnipsdesh tournament this weekend … and all on account of a raised staple. “That’s the last time we […]

The Daily Bonnet

Vote Now! Dutch Blitz vs. Crokinole!

December 24, 2022 Andrew

What will you be playing this Christmas? We’ve settled many Mennonite controversies around here. Jantsied vs. Ditsied, hymns vs. off-the-wall singing. Heck, we’ve even definitely solved the whole dunker vs. pourer controversy. But there is […]

The Daily Bonnet

Steinbacher Surpasses 10,000 Career Kjnipsing Yards

July 26, 2022 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON Argos running back Andrew Harris was not the only Steinbacher to set a record this week. 92-year-old Herman W. Klippenstein became the first kjnipser to kjnips more than 10,000 career yards after defeating Robert […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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