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crime

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Charged With Adding an ‘S’ to the End of Every Word

May 9, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Longtime Steinbach resident Peter Fehr, 76, has been arrested and charged with excessive ‘S’ usage after undercover police overhead him referring to the neighbouring town of Ste-Anne, Manitoba as ‘Ste-Annes’ on numerous occasions. […]

Unger Suspicion

Nation Shocked as Canadian NHL Team Wins Playoff Series Without Rioting

April 22, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Tens of thousands of fans lined the streets of downtown Winnipeg on Friday night to celebrate the Jets first round playoff victory over the Minnesota Wild. Jets fans bucked decades of Canadian hockey […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Charged with Distracted Driving for Knacking Zoat Behind the Wheel

April 6, 2018 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Local man Colin Peters, 41, is facing distracted driving charges after being spotted by Altona police with a bag of Ronnie’s Original Jumbo Sunflower Seeds in one hand and the steering wheel in […]

Unger Suspicion

Oscar Host Jimmy Kimmel Stolen at After Party

March 6, 2018 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA It seems security was more relaxed than usual at Oscar after-parties this week. Just moments after Best Actress winner Frances McDormand’s trophy was stolen, Academy Awards host Jimmy Kimmel was also reported missing. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Police Raid Mennonite Gambling Den, Seize Hundreds of Rook Cards

January 29, 2018 Andrew

WICHITA, KS Wichita police stormed a notorious local gambling den this week, arresting more than two dozen Mennonites and seizing countless decks of Rook cards. The raid is the largest bust of Mennonite gamblers since […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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