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crime

Unger Suspicion

New Huawei Phones Capable of Taking ‘Totally Amazing Photos’ of their Own Executive’s Arrest and Extradition!

December 13, 2018 Andrew

VANCOUVER, BC Chinese electronics giant Huawei is really proud of the amazing 48 MP capabilities of their Mate 20 Pro, a phone that’s being marketed as “the only smartphone to capture those stunning images of […]

The Daily Bonnet

Thrift Store Prices Still Not Cheap Enough for Mennonite Thieves

November 6, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Soaring prices at local thrift stores have forced some unscrupulous Mennonites into shoplifting in order to obtain the rubber boots and crocheted doilies needed for bare survival. “When I saw the prices, I had no other choice,” […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Acting like an idiot’: Mennonite Driver Clocked at Just 2.32 km/hr on Trans-Canada Highway

October 19, 2018 Andrew

THOMSON STATION, NS According to CBC News, a Mennonite driver vacationing in Nova Scotia this summer, was allegedly caught driving at over 2 km/h on the Trans-Canada Highway this week. “This is the fastest speed […]

Unger Suspicion

Manitoba Man Arrested for Complaining About the Heat

August 18, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local man Herman Toews never thought his casual comment about the weather would land him in jail, but he found out on Wednesday that complaining about the heat in a city known for […]

Unger & Thirst

Recent Overdoses in Altona May Be Linked to Star Anise

July 17, 2018 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Three Mennonite men have been released from Altona Hospital this past week following consumption of Aunt Bertha’s chicken noodle soup which police say may have been laced with excessive amounts of star anise. “This […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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