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Unger & Thirst

Knackzoat Found in Last Summer’s Jean Shorts “Still Perfectly Edible” Says Local Man

May 5, 2017 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Local man Ernie Toews, 75, considered himself the “luckiest man in Altona” this past Saturday after he slid into a pair of old cut-off jean shorts that he hadn’t worn since last summer […]

The Daily Bonnet

New Regulations Force Female Crokinole Players to Wear Short Skirts

May 4, 2017 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON In an effort to draw viewers away from tennis, the International Crokinole Federation (ICF) has recently announced that it will now be requiring all ladies knipsbrat players to wear skirts “above the knee.” “If professional […]

Uncategorized

Nordstrom Sells $600 ‘Authentic Mennonite-Worn’ Dirty Jeans

April 27, 2017 Andrew

SEATTLE, WA Mennonite hog farmers across North America are ecstatic at the new opportunity to sell their old dirty sweaty jeans at a huge profit to Nordstrom. “I don’t know why those English want our […]

The Daily Bonnet

Wife Frustrated With Husband’s Inability to Take a Flattering Selfie

March 21, 2017 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Area woman Erin Peters, 31, became completely fed up this past weekend with her husband Bob’s complete inability to take an attractive selfie. “That man is totally inept when it comes to taking […]

The Daily Bonnet

Five Common Misconceptions About Mennonites

March 9, 2017 Andrew

To outsiders, Mennonites may seem like a perplexing group with peculiar customs. This unfamiliarity has caused a number of misconceptions about Mennonites. The Daily Bonnet is here to correct some of these errors. Misconception: Mennonites […]

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