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Unger Conviction

Magnus Carlsen Booted Out of Church for Wearing Jeans

December 30, 2024 Andrew

WATERTOWN, NY Norwegian chess superstar Magnus Carlsen had decided to try his hand at a Dutch Blitz tournament up in Watertown, New York this week, when he realized his attire was not suitable for the […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonites Praying for Snow Day So They Can Miss Church Tomorrow

December 8, 2024 Andrew

CALGARY, AB With snow beginning to accumulate on Saturday evening, Mennonites across southern Alberta were hoping for a snow day on Sunday morning. “Oh would you look at that coming down,” said Dave Krahn of […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor to Enact 25% Tithe on First Day in Office

November 26, 2024 Andrew

LINDEN, AB Pastor David, whose name was recently pulled from the hat this past week, has threatened to enact a whopping 25% tithe starting his first day in office this January. “No more of this […]

Unger Conviction

Church Basement Chair Recruited To Help Change Lightbulb

August 16, 2024 Andrew

MOUNTAIN LAKE, MN How many Mennonites does it take to change a lightbulb? Two … plus one of those wooden church basement chairs. For centuries Mennonites have called upon the wooden church basement chair to […]

Unger Conviction

Cellphone Ban Coming to Mennonite Churches this Fall

August 15, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB In a historic agreement, Mennonite denominations across the province have come together in a united front to ban all cellphones in church this fall. “Look we know the sermon’s boring, but we can’t […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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