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christmas

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Seeks Treatment for Her Hallmark Christmas Movie Addiction

November 22, 2019 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Mrs. Martens of Saskatoon has been checked in a rehab facility this week after it was discovered that she has been doing nothing but eating popcorn and watching terribly-acted predictable Christmas movies on […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winnipeg Children Super Excited for the Return of Christmas

April 12, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After an unexpected blizzard this week, children across southern Manitoba woke up to a blanket of snow and began frantically filling out their Christmas wish lists. “Christmas! It’s Christmas,” exclaimed little Sally Doerksen, […]

Unger & Thirst

Grandma Stocks Up On Discount Christmas Oranges For Next Year

January 1, 2019 Andrew

CHORTITZ, SK Mrs. Harms, 71, of Chortitz is already stocking up on Mandarin oranges, pistachio pudding mix, salted peanuts and halva for next year’s Christmas celebration. “It’s absolute madness at the grocery store today,” said […]

Unger & Thirst

Jaws of Life Required to Extract Red Candy from Oma’s Candy Bowl

December 28, 2018 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Emergency crews were overworked this holiday season extracting red raspberry candies that had become clumped together in Oma Penner’s candy bowl. “Try as they might, the kids just couldn’t get a candy out […]

Unger & Thirst

No Tüte for Naughty Uncle Corny This Year

December 26, 2018 Andrew

BLUMENFELD, SK Grandma Peters has left Uncle Corny off the tüte list this year after it was discovered he had slept in and missed church three times over the past year. According to sources close to […]

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