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Unger & Thirst

“Buying Crackers is For Suckers!” Claims Mennonite Woman

November 19, 2019 Andrew

CARMAN,MB Local woman Mrs. Schellenberg, 68, of Carman has amassed a stockpile of more than 10,000 packages of Premium Plus crackers that she’s swiped from local restaurants over the past twenty years. “Buying crackers is […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Couple Saves a Fortune by Sharing Dish at Local Restaurant

September 18, 2019 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local couple, Bill and Anne Kliewer, have accumulated enough money to last the rest of their lives after sharing a 3 piece meal at the local Chicken Chef. “What’s 10.95 divided by two?” […]

Unger & Thirst

“Expiration Dates Are Just Recommendations,” Claims Mennonite Woman

February 3, 2019 Andrew

YARROW, BC For the past few decades, Mrs. Penner has been amassing a huge collection of expired food items in her refrigerator and pantry. The problem, it seems, is Mrs. Penner’s extreme distrust of so-called […]

Unger & Thirst

“I Could Make it Myself Better and Cheaper”: Mennonite Woman Refuses to Buy Anything at Church Bake Sale

January 18, 2019 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB While examining the offerings at the Grunthal Church fundraising bake sale this week, Mrs. Kehler refused to buy a single item, claiming that everything she saw she “could easily make at home much […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Family Forced to Wear Their Parkas Indoors So Dad Can Save on the Hydro Bill

December 5, 2018 Andrew

WINKLER, MB The Doerksen family of Winkler have been wearing their long underwear a lot this winter, thanks to Mr. Doerksen’s insistence that “no one better touch that darn thermostat!” “They keep raising the hydro […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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