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blumenort

Unger Games

Team Canada Loses to Blumenort Menno Knights

December 28, 2024 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON The once mighty Team Canada junior hockey team has lost to a men’s floor hockey team from Blumenort, Manitoba. “It’s hard to top Garth Reimer on the forecheck,” said Team Canada captain Brayden […]

Unger Games

Blumenort ‘Menno Knights’ Forced to Change Team Name

November 13, 2024 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB 6-time EM Cup champions the Blumenort Menno Knights are no more. This after the label “Mennonite” (or anything close to it) was labelled “offensive” by hockey authorities this week. “We’re going to think […]

Unger Games

Steinbach Pistons to Face Blumenort Menno Knights

May 5, 2023 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB They had to call in the backup crew at Centennial Arena in Steinbach this week to scoop up all the zoat that was knacked during the Steinbach Pistons’ Turnbull Cup victory party. It […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Creates World’s Longest Mexican Chain

July 4, 2022 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB Mrs. Pankratz of Blumenort, Manitoba is set to enter the Guinness Book of World Records this week after creating a Mexican Chain that stretched through her front yard, straight down Penner Avenue, and […]

Unger Suspicion

Ex-Blumenort Menno Knights Head Coach Signs with Winnipeg Jets

May 20, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The Winnipeg Jets have inked Pieta Toews formerly GM, equipment manager, head coach, and tuck shop clerk of the Blumenort Menno Knights to fill the vacant head coaching job. “I can’t believe the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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