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The Daily Bonnet

Report: Cows Don’t Like Being Tipped

June 30, 2017 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK According to a recent study from the University of Saskatoon, cows, particularly Holsteins and Herefords, prefer not to be tipped over on their sides while they sleep. “It’s shocking really,” said study co-ordinator […]

Unger Suspicion

Manitoba Government Introduces Strict ‘No Kill’ Policy for Mosquitos

May 28, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB On Friday afternoon, the Manitoba government announced a new initiative that seeks to address the growing mosquito population by employing hundreds of conservation officers in a new humane ‘catch and release’ program. “Here in Manitoba, we’re […]

The Daily Bonnet

Chaos Erupts After Pooper Scooper is Confused for BBQ Tongs

May 22, 2017 Andrew

CALGARY, AB Chaos erupted at the Loewen family BBQ at Prince’s Island Park this weekend when the bbq tongs were mixed up with the dog’s pooper scooper. “I’m not sure how it happened, but somehow the […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Family Feeds Hungry Puppies at Local Buffet

April 29, 2017 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON A Sunday smorgasbord at a local diner turned into a feeding frenzy, with area Mennonite families sneaking their beloved pets into the buffet line. By just 12:30 the roast beef was completely gone because […]

Unger Suspicion

Canada Geese Return Home Just to Shit All Over It

April 12, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Millions of Canada geese, that beloved symbol of all that is good and decent about our fair country, have returned home this week to completely shit over absolutely everything. “The purpose of these geese […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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