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alcohol

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man’s Car Spotted in Liquor Store Parking Lot

May 27, 2020 Andrew

MORDEN, MB There’s a reason why Mennonites drive nondescript vehicles – so they don’t get identified in the liquor store parking lot. Well, obviously Mr. Wiens did not consider all the implications of his decision […]

Unger & Thirst

Wine Ninjas Accidentally Deliver to Mennonite Woman

May 18, 2020 Andrew

CALGARY, AB A Mennonite woman in suburban Calgary was the victim of some well-meaning but misguided Wine Ninjas this weekend. The “ninjas” dropped off a package on the front doorstep of Mrs. Reimer, which included […]

Unger & Thirst

Liquor Stores See Huge Surge in Mennonite Customers

April 27, 2020 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Now that it’s become de rigueur to wear face masks or lower-than-normal düaks all over the place, Mennonites have been venturing into establishments they never would have even considered back when they might […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Born February 29, 1944 Finally Old Enough to Have a Drink

February 29, 2020 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON A Russlander Mennonite who immigrated to Canada after World War II is finally old enough to consume adult beverages in the province of Ontario. “February 29, 1944 – that’s what my birth certificate […]

Unger & Thirst

Wine Found in Mennonite Woman’s Cupboard “Just for Cooking” She Claims

January 23, 2020 Andrew

HILLSBORO, KS Mrs. Warkentin had some explaining to do after a lovely bottle of Stag’s Leap Cab Sauv was discovered tucked away in the back of kitchen cupboards. “It’s very suspicious. It was in behind […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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