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Unger Conviction

Report: Shallow Repetitive Worship Songs More Pleasing to the Lord than Hymns

September 2, 2018 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA A report out of the University of Southern Lancaster suggests that really shallow, repetitive, self-indulgent ‘Praise and Worship’ songs are a full 20% more pleasing to the Lord than the boring old hymns. “I’m pretty […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Judges to Score Miss America Swimsuit Competition

September 1, 2018 Andrew

LAS VEGAS, NV For the first time since the pagent began almost 100 years ago, Miss America’s swimsuit competition will be judged exclusively by a panel of Mennonite church deacons. “Our criteria may be a little […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Man’s Hilarious Wikipedia Edit About Mennonites Goes Unnoticed for Six Years

August 31, 2018 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON Back in the winter of 2012, then Conrad Grebel student, Jakob Klassen, 23, of Aylmer edited the Wikipedia page about Mennonites to include numerous hilarious but erroneous bits of information. Klassen was shocked […]

The Daily Bonnet

Six Hospitalized After Jesus Takes the Wheel

August 30, 2018 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Four Yoders and two Millers were rushed to the hospital in Goshen this week after Mr. Yoder decided to relinquish his driving duties and let Jesus take over. “I was heading down the […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Uses Potato Sack Race to Determine New Pastor

August 29, 2018 Andrew

LINDEN, AB Deviating from the common practice of determining all leadership positions by the drawing of straws, the folks at West Linden Mennonite have decided to pick a new head honcho using a potato sack […]

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