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Unger Suspicion

Millions of Homeless Canadian Refugees Flock to US Border After Heatwave Melts Igloos

August 4, 2018 Andrew

TORONTO, ON After temperatures soared to five or ten degrees above freezing this August, igloos have melted across Canada, leaving desperate parka-clad Canadians with no choice but to descend on the United States in large […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Family Still Waiting in Line at Penner Foods Parcel Pick-up

August 2, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Almost thirty years after the store shut down, the Schellenberg family of Steinbach is still waiting on parcel #87 at the parcel pickup line at Penner Foods. “Martha’s birthed three children in this […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Mows Lawn Only Slightly More Frequently than He Shaves

August 1, 2018 Andrew

NORTH NEWTON, KS After years of pestering from his wife Frida, local man Ben Wiebe of North Newton finally broke down and shaved his face this afternoon. The lawn, however, was left at a record […]

Unger & Thirst

Man 3-D Prints Every Recipe in the Mennonite Treasury Cookbook

July 31, 2018 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Days after the 3-D printing of Mennonite recipes was legalized by the Supreme Court, Mr. Klassen of Abbotsford successfully printed every single recipe in the Mennonite Treasury Cookbook and promptly divorced his wife […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Bigfoot’ Revealed to be a ‘Mr. Friesen’ from Altona

July 30, 2018 Andrew

ALTONA, MB The mystery of Bigfoot has finally been solved! After careful analysis of the footage, scientists at Pembina Valley University, have concluded that the big hairy beast seen traipsing through the back-40 last year […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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