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Unger Suspicion

Local Quilting Ladies Accidentally Attend Metallica Concert

September 14, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The ladies from the Winkler EMMB Quilting Group were heading into the city on one of their monthly outings. They had intended to attend a panel discussion at the Millennium Library, when a […]

Unger & Thirst

Custodian at Local Senior’s Home Can’t Get the Smell of Roll Kuchen Out of the Hallway

September 13, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB The hallways at Menno Garden Manor still smell strongly of cooking oil after half a dozen women all decided to fry up some roll kuchen on the very same day. Mr. Pankratz, a […]

Unger Suspicion

Doug Ford Vows to Downsize Mennonite Elder Boards

September 12, 2018 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Ontario Premier Doug Ford says he plans in invoke the “notwithstanding clause” to defend his efforts to reduce the number of elders on local Mennonite church boards. “The elder boards in the Kitchener-Waterloo […]

Unger Suspicion

Winnipeg’s Garbage Hill to Be Returned to its Former Glory

September 11, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Winnipeg’s most famous former landfill, Garage Hill, will be returned to its former glory later this month after the landmark received a renewed surge in interest as of late. “It’s time we make […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Man Forgets to Remove Nikes Before Burning Them

September 10, 2018 Andrew

HENDERSON, NB Mr. Allan Janzen of Henderson is being treated for first degree burns this week after lighting his Nikes on fire while still wearing them. According to family members, Janzen was burning his shoes […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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