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Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church to Host First Annual ‘Quiet in the Land’ Death Metal Festival

January 15, 2020 Andrew

ELKHART, IN In an effort to attract young people to church, the South Elkhart Mennonite Church is planning a death metal concert to be held in the church parking lot this summer. “In keeping with […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Man Still Has ‘Menno’s Reins’ Theme Song Stuck in His Head

January 14, 2020 Andrew

NORTH KILDONAN, MB After numerous screenings of the classic ‘Menno’s Reins’ in youth group back in the 70s, local man Peter Toews still has the theme song stuck in his head more than forty years […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Couple to Replace Harry and Meghan at Buckingham Palace

January 13, 2020 Andrew

LONDON, UK After Harry and Meghan decided to call it quits on the royal family, a generous family of Mennonites from Holmes County have agreed to take their place at Buckingham Palace. “As Anabaptists, we’re […]

Unger & Thirst

Conservative Mennonite Group Vows to Preserve Old Tim Hortons Lids

January 12, 2020 Andrew

WOOLWICH TOWNSHIP, ON When Tim Hortons recently introduced a newly redesigned coffee lid, millions of Canadians were overjoyed. Not so, for the Mennonites of Woolwich Township, however. The new coffee lids were seen as a […]

The Daily Bonnet

Liberal Mennonite ‘Too Woke for Meddachschlop’

January 11, 2020 Andrew

NORTH KILDONAN, MB Manitoba’s self-proclaimed “wokest” Mennonite Dylan Heinrichs-Klassen-Guenther claims he has now risen above forms of oppression such as a nice Sunday afternoon meddachschlop. “Meddachschlop is highly problematic,” said Heinrichs-Klassen-Guenther. “I can’t think of […]

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