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Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Sours the Mood at Local Funeral by Hoarding All the Pickles and Decaf

October 24, 2020 Andrew

GREENLAND, MB Thousands of Toewses descended on Greenland, Manitoba this week for the latest Toews funeral and were shocked to discover the absence of dill pickles. “Okay, so I’ve got my cubed cheese, deli meat […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Sheeple’ Farm Opens in Southern Manitoba

October 23, 2020 Andrew

SHEEPLETON, MB Agriculture continues to evolve in southern Manitoba. This year, in fact, the branding of people we don’t agree with as ‘sheeple’ has now surpassed cattle and hog farming as the most popular agricultural […]

Unger Conviction

Church Approves Muting Pastor’s Mic at Upcoming Service

October 22, 2020 Andrew

NASHVILLE, TN Attendees at the upcoming South Nashville Mennonite Church service this Sunday will be given the ability to mute the pastor whenever they think he’s off base or speaking out of turn. “After last […]

The Daily Bonnet

Hilarious New Show Features Leading Anabaptist Scholars in ‘Drunk Mennonite History’

October 21, 2020 Andrew

SOME CABIN IN THE WHITESHELL, MB A popular new television program is hoping to gather top Mennonite scholars from around the world to give their take on important historic Mennonite events such as the signing […]

Unger Conviction

Congregation Forced to Repeat “Good Morning” Over and Over Until it’s Loud Enough for the Pastor

October 20, 2020 Andrew

SEMINOLE, TX Darryl Friesen, 41, the hip new associate pastor at West Seminole Mennonite Church, took the stage for his sermon on Judges 19 this Sunday and was shocked by the half-hearted “good morning” he […]

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