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Unger & Thirst

Oma Toews Accidentally Uses Liquor Store Bags for the Tutes this Year

December 24, 2020 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Oma Penner had dozens of brown paper bags kicking around this year and decided to fill them with peanuts and drop them off at all her grandkid’s doorsteps. “Oba, looks like Oma’s been […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Wraps the Presents this Year

December 23, 2020 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Overwhelmed with all the gifts that needed wrapping this yer, Mrs. Janzen decided to recruit her husband Earl to pitch in. The decision, however, is one of the greatest regrets of her life. […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man to Livestream Exclusive Performance of ‘The Nutcracker’

December 22, 2020 Andrew

CALGARY, AB Local man Jeremy Goerzen, 51, will be getting into his very best tights and giving a Covid-safe performance of The Nutcracker tonight at 7 pm. “I sure hope everyone tunes in to see […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Spends All Day Tracking Her Amazon Package

December 21, 2020 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Mrs. Loewen of Saskatoon has been eagerly anticipating her package from Amazon this Christmas and has been spending every waking moment checking for shipping updates. “Dietschlaund! It’s still in Flin Flon, Manitoba for […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Twas the Night Before Mennonite Christmas

December 20, 2020 Andrew

‘Twas the night before Mennonite Christmas, when all through the house Not a Penner was stirring, not even Uncle Klaus; The tutjes were all eaten, the halva was all gone, I was lying next to […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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