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The Daily Bonnet

GCers Feeling Left Out of ‘Restart Mennonite Brethren’ Campaign

October 28, 2020 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Thousands of Mennonite Church Canada members across Manitoba are a little miffed at the provincial government for seemingly giving all their time and resources to restarting the Mennonite Brethrens. “If you ask me, […]

The Daily Bonnet

“I am Mennonite,” Borat Reveals in New Film

October 27, 2020 Andrew

KARAGANDA, KAZAKHSTAN A whole host of awkward and peculiar behaviour by renowned journalist Borat finally has an explanation that makes sense. Borat, apparently, is a Mennonite. “I am Mennonite. Very nice,” says Borat in the […]

The Daily Bonnet

“Where the heck can I buy ‘Once Removed’?” says Mennonite Man Who Fails to Find it for Ten Cents at the Thrift Store

October 26, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB More than a month after Daily Bonnet author Andrew Unger released his hilarious new novel Once Removed, Mr. Penner of Steinbach still has not been able to find it for ten cents at any […]

Unger Games

Patrik Laine Traded to the Blumenort Menno Knights

October 25, 2020 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB After months of speculation, the Winnipeg Jets have revealed that 22-year-old superstar Patrik Laine and his seven million dollar a year salary has been traded to the Blumenort Menno Knights of the Hanover-Tache […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Sours the Mood at Local Funeral by Hoarding All the Pickles and Decaf

October 24, 2020 Andrew

GREENLAND, MB Thousands of Toewses descended on Greenland, Manitoba this week for the latest Toews funeral and were shocked to discover the absence of dill pickles. “Okay, so I’ve got my cubed cheese, deli meat […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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