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The Daily Bonnet

Why is the Mennonite Town of Goessel, Kansas Shaped Like a Gun?

February 22, 2021 Andrew

GOESSEL, KS For some strange reason the pacifist Mennonite town of Goessel, Kansas has managed to fashion their town in the exact shape of a Colt M1911 pistol. “It’s a mystery to me,” said local […]

Quizzes

The Mennonites of Africa Quiz

February 21, 2021 Andrew

In the past we’ve had a few quizzes based on Mennonites from various geographic regions from Latin America to the Pembina Valley. This time, we’re quizzing you on what you know about the Mennonite church […]

The Daily Bonnet

A Guide to Underwear Shopping for Mennonite Men

February 20, 2021 Andrew

Ahh, yes, underwear shopping, every Mennonite man’s biggest fear. Well, fear no more, the Daily Bonnet has created this handy guide that will make underwear shopping as painless as possible. Just follow these step-by-step instructions […]

The Daily Bonnet

Tickets for Mennonite Hip-Hop Musical ‘Hostetler’ Impossible to Get

February 19, 2021 Andrew

HOLLSOPPLE, PA Tickets for the new hip-hop musical telling the life story of former NFL quarterback Jeff Hostetler were snatched up so quickly that even Mrs. Kauffman couldn’t get her hands on a pair. “I’ve […]

Unger Suspicion

Spoiler Isn’t Making Your Car Any Faster, It’s Just Making You Look that Much More Desperate

February 18, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB A new report indicates that putting a spoiler on your Honda Civic or Mazda 3 does not turn it into a Ferrari, but might just possibly get the laughs of everyone around you. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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