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Unger Games

Dwayne Johnson ‘Guaran-damn-tee’s He Won’t Totally Destroy the CFL

March 14, 2021 Andrew

TORONTO, ON The CFL announced this week that they’re in talks with a former pro wrestler to potentially throw away 150 years of Canadian football tradition in exchange for a bit part in the next […]

Unger & Thirst

Saskatchewan Butcher Claims His Farmer Sausage is Just as Good as Anything they Make in Manitoba

March 13, 2021 Andrew

CHORTITZ, SK Still reeling from the 2019 CFL season, Saskatchewan man Peter Klassen is making bold claims that his farmer sausage is just as good, if not better, than the stuff made in southern Manitoba. […]

Unger Suspicion

John Tortorella Hires Mennonites to Shun Patrik Laine

March 12, 2021 Andrew

COLUMBUS, OH Columbus Blue Jackets head coach John Tortorella is known for his unconventional methods of motivating his players, most notably benching star players or publicly shaming them when they don’t perform. It seems he’s […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man is Literally ‘Older than Sliced Bread’

March 11, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Sliced bread was introduced to the market in 1928. This makes Mr. Peter Wiebe, 93, of Winkler literally “older than sliced bread.” “Oba, I’m older than sliced bread and my wife Annie is […]

Unger & Thirst

New Study: Farmer Sausage Contains Only “Trace Amounts” of Actual Farmers

March 10, 2021 Andrew

FURTWANGLER, MB A new farmer sausage study from the University of Tubular Meat in Plum Coulee, Manitoba suggests that the vast majority of farmer sausage is actually completely farmerless. “I’m not sure what they’re putting […]

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