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Unger Suspicion

Beach Boys Record New Hit: “I Wish They All Could Be Chihuahua Girls”

August 27, 2022 Andrew

HAWTHORNE, CA Renowned 60s surf-rock artists The Beach Boys, who will now be going by the name The Beach Benjels, have reunited to record a fresh new hit entitled “Chihuahua Girls.” The Daily Bonnet has […]

Unger Suspicion

In Solidarity with Lisa LaFlamme, Restaurant to Put One Grey Hair in Every Bowl of Chili

August 26, 2022 Andrew

ETOBICOKE, ON In an act of incredible bravery and profound solidarity with recently ousted CTV anchor Lisa LaFlamme, one local restaurant will be replacing the occasional brown or blonde hair in their famous bowls of […]

Unger & Thirst

Paper Straw Totally Disintegrates Before Mennonite Man Gets to the Bottom of His Papsi

August 24, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Area man Art Brandt, 58, was enjoying a Papsi and Ravel at his favourite local burger joint this past week, when he discovered they were now offering paper straws instead of the ones […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Family Discovered Camping in Briercrest Parking Lot

August 23, 2022 Andrew

CARONPORT, SK The custodial crew at Briercrest Bible College and Seminary were in quite the state of shock this morning as they found that a whole nest of Mennonite families had pulled over for the […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Lusts After Another Man’s Plate of Food as it Passes

August 22, 2022 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Harry Ens of Fresno requested a private meeting with the pastor this week to discuss his propensity to lust after other men’s plates of food. “I can’t help myself,” said Ens. “Just as […]

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