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The Daily Bonnet

Kinky Mennonite Couple to Try 606ing Tonight

October 5, 2022 Andrew

FRESNO, CA After spending the weekend visiting some GCer friends in Indiana, MBers Marge and Albert Wiens are eager to get home and “try out 606” for themselves. “All weekend long, our General Conference friends […]

Unger Games

Canadian Supreme Court Rules ‘Curling is a Real Sport’

October 4, 2022 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON In a 6-3 decision, the Supreme Court of Canada ruled today that “curling is actually a real sport, eh.” “Weighing all the evidence, it’s quite clear that curling is a sport,” said Judge […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Writer Stuck in Goshen After Missing Last Buggy Out of Town

October 3, 2022 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN The population of Goshen, Indiana soared to 34,518 this weekend, a full one person higher than the 2020 census, after Mennonite/s Writing conference attendee Andrew Unger lost track of time and missed the […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Unveils New “Choir of the Runny Noses”

October 2, 2022 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON After two years of suppressing every cough, sneeze, and sniffle, the folks at Third Mennonite Church of Kitchener have decided to let it all out and make a joyful noise unto the Lord. […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Food Critic Demands Larger Portions

October 1, 2022 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK World-renowned Mennonite food critic Klaus Barkman has been hitting the streets of Saskatoon this week to ask one question, “does portion size really matter?” “The results shocked me. Menno after Menno said, oba, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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