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Unger the Influence

Canadian Mennonites Blocked from Sharing Gossip on Facebook

August 16, 2023 Andrew

VINELAND, ON Facebook’s hardline stance against Canada’s controversial Bill C-18 has led to the blocking of Canadian news from a variety of sources including, but not limited to, Mrs. Ruth Kehler of Vineland, Ontario. “Did […]

Headline Contest

Mennonite Father Solves John Deere Loader Breakdown

August 14, 2023 Andrew

Congrats to this week’s winner Nemo Emanon! (Yes, I get the joke).  This was the closest vote we’ve had yet! It was very close to a three-way tie, but just minutes before the closing of […]

Unger Conviction

Lutheran Pastor Signs 1-Day Contract to Retire as a Mennonite

August 13, 2023 Andrew

FRIEDENSFELD, MB After a 15-year-career where he set nearly every record in the Evangelical Lutheran Church of Canada record book, Pastor David has shockingly decided to sign a 1-day contract to retire as a Mennonite. […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Caught Skipping Family Gathering to Hang Out at The Public

August 12, 2023 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Dave Isaac of Yarrow, BC drove all the way out to southern Manitoba this week for the bi-annual Isaac Gathering, but wound up spending the entire weekend at The Public Brewhouse and Gallery […]

Unger & Thirst

Entire Province Forced to Live Like Mennonites as Liquor Stores Close

August 11, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Manitoba’s Mennonite population surged to 1.4 million this week as liquor stores across the province have forced everyone to become teetotalers. “What the hell am I going to drink this weekend?” said local […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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