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Unger the Influence

Trump Deploys National Guard to Goessel, Kansas

August 12, 2025 Andrew

GOESSEL, KS After a crime wave in recent months, President Trump has deployed the National Guard to the small Mennonite farming town of Goessel, Kansas. “We’ve gotta get those Hiebert boys under control,” said President […]

Unger Suspicion

Area Resident Proves His Worth as a Man by Removing Muffler from Car

August 11, 2025 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local car enthusiast Sammy Fehr, 29, has successfully demonstrated his manhood this week after removing the muffler from his Honda Civic. “I’ve been single by whole life. I can’t believe I never figured […]

Unger Games

Outfield Completely Blanketed in Knackzoat After Winkler Man Makes Major Leagues

August 10, 2025 Andrew

TAMPA BAY, FL The grounds crew had to work overtime to clean up all the knackzoat this week after Winkler man Tristan Peters made his Major League debut. “Half of Winkler was there, raining their […]

Unger Suspicion

Martyrs Mirror to Add New Chapter on Sean Feucht

August 9, 2025 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC With legions of fans and a net-worth in the millions, worship leader Sean Feucht is clearly among the most persecuted Christians on the planet right now. “Everywhere they go in Canada, they keep […]

The Daily Bonnet

How to Slide into a Mennonite Woman’s DMs

August 7, 2025 Andrew

Long gone are the days when a couple might meet at a church faspa or Plett gathering. Instead, the only way to strike up a conversation with a prospective partner these days is to slide […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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