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sunflower seeds

Unger the Influence

Edmonton Mennonites Big Fans of Mayor Knack-Zoat

October 22, 2026 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB Edmonton’s small but growing Mennonite community has come to rally around their new-ish mayor after discovering he shared an interest in their favourite snack. “Nah, oba, I really had no interest in municipal […]

Unger Games

Toronto Sees Massive Surge in Knackzoat Sales

October 21, 2025 Andrew

TORONTO, ON A trucker’s convoy-worth of sunflower seeds are on their way to Toronto this week to meet the demand of baseball fans in the GTA. “We’re basically just having them dump it in Sankofa […]

Unger & Thirst

‘Hawk Tuah Girl’ Launches Her Own Brand of Knackzoat

August 12, 2024 Andrew

BELFAST, TN In an effort to cash in on her newfound fame, viral Internet sensation Hailey Welch, better known as ‘Hawk Tuah Girl’ has started a brand new company specializing in roasted and lightly salted […]

Unger & Thirst

‘Knackzoat Bear’ Tells the Strange True Story of a Grizzly Hooked on Spitz

February 26, 2023 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Mennonites have been lined up outside the Altona Not-So-Famous Players Theatre this week to see Knackzoat Bear, a film loosely based on the true story of a Grizzly who consumed an entire bag […]

Unger & Thirst

Pigeon With Backpack Full of Knackzoat Caught at BC Prison

January 10, 2023 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Abbotsford Correctional Services are investigating after a pigeon with a backpack full of delicious dill pickle-flavoured sunflower seeds with found at the Fraser Valley MB Prison this week. “It appears that someone on […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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