Mennonite Man Sours the Mood at Local Funeral by Hoarding All the Pickles and Decaf


Thousands of Toewses descended on Greenland, Manitoba this week for the latest Toews funeral and were shocked to discover the absence of dill pickles.

“Okay, so I’ve got my cubed cheese, deli meat and raisin buns. There’s even sugar cubes to suck on. But where are the dills!” wondered Mr. Toews. “Oba, I just can’t get into the mourning mood without a few drawn and quartered pickles!”

Just as he was about to complain to a higher-up, he turned and saw a bountiful array of pickles at a neighbouring Toews table.

“Diewel, and they’ve got three carafes of decaf, too!” exclaimed Mr. Toews. “Jauma, the distribution of coffee and pickles at this funeral is far from the utopian ideal laid down by our forefathers.”

As soon as his hoarding of pickles and decaf was discovered, the other Mr. Toews quickly began to wolf them down and top off everyone’s cup even those who clearly didn’t need it.

“Would you look at that! He’s even got his wife stuffing them into her purse!” said the first Mr. Toews. “Let me tell you, these pickles have really soured my mood at this funeral!”

'Sheeple' Farm Opens in Southern Manitoba
Patrik Laine Traded to the Blumenort Menno Knights