DALLAS, TX
Minutes after discovering the NHL has changed its rule and now allows pucks to be kicked into the net, Dallas Stars GM Jim Nill got on the phone with soccer superstar Lionel Messi.
“Heck, if he’s willing to play in the MLS, why not the NHL?” said Nill. “Going forward we’re going to be kicking a lot of pucks past Connor Hellebuyck.”
Messi was eager to sign the deal, saying he’s always wanted to win a Stanley Cup.
“I just never thought my skill set would be in demand in that league,” said Messi. “But thanks to the new rules, it looks like a lot of us soccer players might be signing on to play hockey. I hear Mbappé is interested, too.”
The NHL has also announced it will now be allowing headers and scissor kicks.
“It’s going to be different around here with all of these soccer players,” said commissioner Gary Bettman. “It may take a while, but I’m sure the level of competition will really skyrocket once they all learn to skate.”
Bettman admits there may be an increase in faked injuries, but says that’s a small price to pay for all the exciting kicked goals.
In other news, Dallas Stars defenceman Alexander Petrovic has reportedly signed a $150 million contract with Inter Miami.
