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Unger Games

The Daily Bonnet

Lancaster Hospital Opens New Wing to Deal with Dutch Blitz Injuries

July 17, 2017 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA The Central Mennonite Hospital in Lancaster, Pennsylvania is planning to open an $80 million wing dedicated to treating Dutch Blitz injuries. “After thousands of injuries in the past few years, and even a few […]

Unger Games

Sporadic Golfer Still Can’t Figure Out Why He Sucks At It

July 9, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local accountant Ed W. Friesen took to the links for the first time this season and soon became frustrated with his lack of prowess. After just two holes, where he scored a 9 and […]

The Daily Bonnet

Eastern Mennonite University Gets New Mascot

July 6, 2017 Andrew

HARRISONBURG, VA In an effort to more accurately represent the great Anabaptist tradition of the school, Eastern Mennonite University has decided to replace the Royal’s blue lion with an Australian emu. “We really feel the […]

Unger Games

Toronto Riots After Discovering It’s Not the Centre of Canada

June 26, 2017 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Toronto City Council held an emergency meeting this past week after a large ‘Centre of Canada’ sign was erected on the highway near the small town of Landmark, Manitoba. “What on earth is this?” asked […]

Unger Games

Canadian Football League to Add Third Team Named ‘Rough Riders’

June 21, 2017 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK In an effort to expand their appeal in central Saskatchewan, the Canadian Football League recently announced expansion to Saskatoon for the 2017 season. The new team is to be known as the ‘Roughriders.’ […]

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