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Unger Suspicion

Unger Suspicion

Donald Dueck Marries Daisy, Cousin Mickey Not Invited

October 2, 2017 Andrew

KLEEFELD, MB After a long courtship that included numerous lovely swims through the local gravel pit, Donald Dueck, 25, of Kleefeld, and his fiance Daisy, 22, finally tied the knot in a small ceremony at an […]

Unger Suspicion

Burton Cummings to Donate His Moustache to Charity

October 1, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Legendary Canadian rocker Burton Cummings is set to become a little bit lighter this weekend after agreeing to shave his signature moustache and auction it off for charity. “We’re thinking his moustache could […]

Unger Suspicion

Berkeley Bans ‘Radical Mennonite Lady’ From Speaking on Campus

September 28, 2017 Andrew

BERKELEY, CA Once a bastion of free speech and liberalism, the University of Berkeley has become increasingly restrictive and conservative in recent years, banning controversial figures such as Ben Shapiro, Ann Coulter, and Milo Yiannopoulos from […]

Unger Suspicion

A List of Things Hipsters Stole from Mennonites

September 25, 2017 Andrew

Stop stealing all our best ideas, hipsters! Mennonites don’t want to be “hip.” We’ve made concerted efforts over the last few centuries to be the most uncool people you can imagine, so we’d appreciate if […]

Unger Suspicion

Sparse Crowd at Nickelback Concert, Mostly Just Mennonites

September 21, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB It seems that a few dozen Mennonites from rural Manitoba are the only people in the country who don’t realize how bad a band Nickelback really is. With thousands of tickets left for […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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