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Unger Suspicion

Unger Suspicion

Berkeley Bans ‘Radical Mennonite Lady’ From Speaking on Campus

September 28, 2017 Andrew

BERKELEY, CA Once a bastion of free speech and liberalism, the University of Berkeley has become increasingly restrictive and conservative in recent years, banning controversial figures such as Ben Shapiro, Ann Coulter, and Milo Yiannopoulos from […]

Unger Suspicion

A List of Things Hipsters Stole from Mennonites

September 25, 2017 Andrew

Stop stealing all our best ideas, hipsters! Mennonites don’t want to be “hip.” We’ve made concerted efforts over the last few centuries to be the most uncool people you can imagine, so we’d appreciate if […]

Unger Suspicion

Sparse Crowd at Nickelback Concert, Mostly Just Mennonites

September 21, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB It seems that a few dozen Mennonites from rural Manitoba are the only people in the country who don’t realize how bad a band Nickelback really is. With thousands of tickets left for […]

Unger Suspicion

Newborn Begs to Go Back In After Seeing Dad’s Face

September 21, 2017 Andrew

GNADENSCHANTZ, SK At the tender age of just six-and-a-half minutes, young Jebediah Neufeld let out a blood-curdling scream and begged to go back in the womb after witnessing his father’s face for the first time. […]

Unger Suspicion

Massive Concrete Wall Divides Kitchener and Waterloo

September 19, 2017 Andrew

KITCHENER-WATERLOO, ON Residents of Kitchener-Waterloo were shocked to discover a four-metre concrete wall dividing the twin cities when they woke up this morning. The ‘Kitchener-Waterloo Wall,’ which stretches for miles between the two cities and […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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