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Unger Suspicion

Unger Suspicion

Saudi Arabia to Remove All Statues of Justin Trudeau

August 14, 2018 Andrew

RIYADH, SAUDI ARABIA After an online Twitter war with the Canadian Prime Minister about human rights, the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia has made the decision to “immediately remove any and all statues of Justin Trudeau […]

Unger Games

Elderly Mennonite Woman Picks Off Johnny Manziel Four Times in CFL Debut

August 9, 2018 Andrew

MONTREAL, QC The Hamilton Tigercats were so confident in their ability to stop controversial former college star Johnny Manziel this week that they decided to bring in an elderly Mennonite woman on defence. And, boy, […]

Unger Suspicion

Pope Francis Bans Death Penalty; “Except, of course, for manspreaders,” he says

August 7, 2018 Andrew

VATICAN CITY Pope Francis modified centuries of church teaching this week by calling for the near complete abolishment of the death penalty, except for “particularly heinous crimes such as manspreading and those freakin’ annoying guys […]

Unger Suspicion

Selfie-Taking City Woman Eaten By Giant Mutant Venus Sunflower Plant

August 6, 2018 Andrew

ALTONA, MB This summer thousands of city people have been flocking to the countryside to trample on farmer’s fields and take their stupid selfies with sunflower plants. Now it seems, the plants are beginning to […]

Unger Suspicion

Millions of Homeless Canadian Refugees Flock to US Border After Heatwave Melts Igloos

August 4, 2018 Andrew

TORONTO, ON After temperatures soared to five or ten degrees above freezing this August, igloos have melted across Canada, leaving desperate parka-clad Canadians with no choice but to descend on the United States in large […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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