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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman is a Real Mother Smucker

July 26, 2021 Andrew

WOOSTER, OH During the pandemic, Mrs. Smucker of Wooster, Ohio has been holed up watching MTV all day and discovered that a lot of music videos these days refer to “Mother Smuckers.” “I don’t recognize […]

The Daily Bonnet

Boats Full of “Persecuted Mennonite Refugees” Fleeing Trivial Nuisances in Canada

July 25, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Boat loads of Mennonite refugees are once again fleeing their homes for what they believe will be a much better life in the desert someplace where they don’t have to wear masks between […]

The Daily Bonnet

Jeff Bezos Commits to Sending All Funks into Space

July 23, 2021 Andrew

KENT, WA As part of the vast philanthropic endeavours, billionaire playboy Jeff Bezos intends to send every single Funk into space, some of them permanently. “It worked so well with Wally, that we figured the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mountain Lake Residents Still Looking for that “Mountain”

July 22, 2021 Andrew

MOUNTAIN LAKE, MN Residents of the flattest town in USA have been searching all over town for centuries trying to locate the mountain that gave the town it’s name. “Well, there’s a bit of a […]

The Daily Bonnet

Graduated Licensing Program Adds New ‘Winkler Driver’ Stage Below ‘Learner’

July 21, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB The Pembina Valley Department of Motor Vehicles has added a new stage to their four stage graduated license called the “Winkler Driver” stage, which is just before Learner stage. “We implemented the graduated […]

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