TORONTO, ON
Fans of the Toronto Maple Leafs were all excited about their victory in the NHL draft lottery this afternoon until they discovered they’d actually be picking 67th due to tariffs.
“Ah, shoot,” said Leafs fan Bob Fehr. “And here I was hoping the Leafs would have a chance this year.”
Instead of picking first and snagging Gavin McKenna, the Leafs will have to be content with little Timmy Wiebe of the Reinfeld Renegades.
“Dang those tariffs,” said Fehr. “I sure hope Mark Carney can get things settled with those Americans so we can finally get a decent hockey team around here.”
At press time, the NHL is just now realizing how tariffs actually work and will allow Toronto to keep McKenna and is forcing American NHL teams to instead draft inferior more expensive American players.