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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Metaverse Allows Mennonites to Finally Experience Real Life

December 28, 2021 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Researchers at Fresno Pacific University have created a new metaverse for Mennonites, which forces participants to escape their cloistered Mennonite existence and face reality. “For centuries Mennonites have done everything in their power […]

The Daily Bonnet

Gathering Cancelled: Friesens Told to Go Home and Stay There

December 27, 2021 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK More than 250,000 Friesens were scheduled to attend the extended family gathering in Saskatoon this weekend, before the whole thing was called off at the last minute under Oma’s orders. “It was going […]

The Daily Bonnet

Christmas Lights Partake in Intermittent Fasting

December 26, 2021 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB The hottest new diet trend has taken the Christmas tree light world by storm. It’s called intermittent fasting and it seems all the lights this year are in on the trend. “Bought a […]

The Daily Bonnet

The 12 Days of Mennonite Christmas

December 25, 2021 Andrew

Decades ago Mennonites came under the influence of two great Presbyterian ministers, Bob and Doug McKenzie, who initiated the long-standing tradition of soberly updating the lyrics to the 12 Days of Christmas. And, thus, after […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Couple Prefers to be Three Hours Early Rather than Three Minutes Late

December 20, 2021 Andrew

ALTONA, MB The Schellenbergs of Landmark set off on a journey to Altona this weekend to visit the Wiebes and naturally they decided to be a full three hours early. “It’s an hour’s drive and we […]

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