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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Invokes Emergencies Act to Remove Husband from Bathroom

February 24, 2022 Andrew

BLACK CREEK, BC After her husband Dan had “been on the can for more than an hour,” Mrs. Susan Kliewer of Black Creek declared the Emergencies Act. “My gosh, I bet he’s reading back issues […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Refuses to Clean Up Dishes Until He Gets Meeting with Prime Minister

February 21, 2022 Andrew

ST. CATHARINES, ON The dishes are really piling up at the Peters house this week after Clint Peters, 57, of St. Catharines staged a one-man protest and refused to do any chores until Justin Trudeau […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Caught Watching Figure Skating

February 15, 2022 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Mr. Noah Eby of Kitchener had to quickly change the channel and pretend to be watching politicians yell at each other, after his wife Mary walked in on him during the pair skating […]

The Daily Bonnet

Morden to Pass Winkler in Population By the Year 2056

February 14, 2022 Andrew

MORDEN, MB At the current rate, Manitoba’s fastest growing city, Morden, will pass rival community Winkler in population by the year 2056, the same year that Mennonite astronauts are set to colonize Jupiter. “Just do […]

The Daily Bonnet

10 Amazing Facts About Mennonites According to the 2021 Census

February 12, 2022 Andrew

Statistics Canada has just released the results of the 2021 census and there are many startling revelations about the country’s Mennonite population. Let’s have a look! Average Mennonite net worth: 73 acres of flax and […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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