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The Daily Bonnet

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man ‘Conscientiously Objects’ to Watching the Oscars

March 28, 2022 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Citing his pacifist principles, Mr. Gordon Eby, 71, of Kitchener has submitted a formal written request to enter into “alternative service” during next year’s Oscar Party. “As a member of a historic peace […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man to Increase Gas Production

March 24, 2022 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC Fraser Valley gas producer Marty Klassen, 48, is responding to the worldwide oil and gas shortage by ramping up production of his own. “If OPEC isn’t going to do it, then I guess […]

The Daily Bonnet

Nah Yo-dle is Real and its Spectacular!

March 21, 2022 Andrew

Move over Wordle – there’s a new Mennonite game in town. Nah Yo-dle has taken the Mennonite Internet by storm. We stopped by at the EMC Squared Church lobby in Schteinback to get the word […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Diagnosed with Gas Problem

March 19, 2022 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Local graphic designer and amateur Mennonite historian Dale Kehler of Leamington has been diagnosed with a severe gas problem this afternoon. “Oh, gosh, oh I’m so sorry. Excuse me,” said Kehler. “It’s almost […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Claims “Natural Immunity to Tipping”

March 17, 2022 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Area man Garth Toews claims he doesn’t need any medical intervention for his chronic lack of tipping. “I have natural immunity to tipping,” said Toews. “Every time I reach for my wallet, there’s […]

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