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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Fancy City Mennonites Excited for their Giant Paper Bags Filled with Edamame

December 25, 2025 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Blame allergies or changing tastes, but the Mennonites of Winnipeg have now decided to fill paper bags filled with edamame instead of peanuts this year. “We’re also offering macadamia and pine nuts,” said […]

The Daily Bonnet

Quiz Time! Real News or Satire? 2025 Edition

December 24, 2025 Andrew

I used to do this annual quiz on the Daily Bonnet and I figured it was time to return to that tradition. So here it is, the annual news vs. satire quiz. Perfect to occupy […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Pastor Stocks up for Communion

December 19, 2025 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Pastor Pete noticed the church was running low on Welch’s this week and decided to take the truck over to the superstore for some non-alcoholic communion juice. “I’m also stocking up in Ritz […]

The Daily Bonnet

How to Be a Performative Mennonite Male in 5 Easy Steps

December 18, 2025 Andrew

If you want to attract a Mennonite woman, say at CMU or SBC or CBC or Goshen College or FPU, etc. there are just a few things you’re going to need.

The Daily Bonnet

Carney Called Out for Utilizing ‘Plaudietsch’ Spelling

December 17, 2025 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON It’s the biggest scandal to hit the Carney government yet – spelling. In this case, Prime Minister Mark Carney sent out several memos in which he spelled everything in Plautdietsch. “And the worst […]

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