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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Grandma Rescued After Literally Knitting Herself Into a Corner

August 7, 2016 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Martha Toews, 91, of Kitchener was rescued by emergency personnel this weekend from her apartment at Greenhaven Manor after she had inadvertently knitted herself into a corner that she could not escape. “That’s […]

The Daily Bonnet

World Anabaptist Olympics Begin Today

August 5, 2016 Andrew

CURITIBA, BRAZIL More than three thousand Amish, Hutterite, and Mennonite athletes from around the world are descending on Curitiba, Brazil this week for the opening of the World Anabaptist Games. “We’re very excited that our […]

The Daily Bonnet

Divorced Mennonites Remain Cousins, Legal Expert Says

August 2, 2016 Andrew

HARRISONBURG, VA Settling an age-old question that had baffled legal scholars for centuries, renowned barrister and American law expert Aganetha L. Schneider of Harrisonburg claims there’s no longer any room for debate when it comes to Mennonite […]

The Daily Bonnet

Welcome to Steinbach, Parade Capital of Canada

July 29, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Steinbach, Manitoba, founded in 1874 by Russian Mennonites, has grown from a tiny village on an insignificant stony creek into a booming metropolis of nearly 15,000 people where anyone and everyone is free […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Insists on Wearing Suspenders to Nude Beach

July 27, 2016 Andrew

PATRICIA BEACH, MB Sun-lovers at a Lake Winnipeg clothing-optional beach were a little shocked this weekend as Delbert Krahn, from the West Reserve, was unwilling to remove his suspenders before taking to the waters. “I don’t never […]

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