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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Landmark, Manitoba to Run Out of Pletts By the Year 2020

November 7, 2016 Andrew

LANDMARK, MB Due to lower birth rates and immigration from non-Mennonite sources, the small town of Landmark, Manitoba, once known for its abundance of Pletts, is on pace to be completely Plett-free by the year […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites to Turn Back the Clock One Century Tonight

November 5, 2016 Andrew

VOLLWERK, MB Due to Daylight Savings Time, Mennonites throughout North America will be turning back the clock an entire century tonight at 2 am. “I’m glad to see that people want to go back in […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Renounces Genealogy After Connection to Homer Simpson is Discovered

November 4, 2016 Andrew

MAIN CENTRE, SK Local Mennonite elder Leon Groening suddenly ceased his genealogy hobby on Friday after discovering a connection to cartoon imbecile Homer Simpson. “I was on Grandma’s Window – you know the Mennonite genealogy website […]

The Daily Bonnet

World’s Oldest Living Mennonite Fondly Reminisces About the 1908 World Series

November 3, 2016 Andrew

CHICAGO, IL Henry Baerg, who turned 114 in September, has not followed baseball much in the last 90 years or so, but fondly recalls the last time the Chicago Cubs won the World Series. “Oba, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Has ‘Unfair Head Start’ on Movember Beard

November 2, 2016 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB A local Mennonite man has taken advantage of his ample facial hair to “totally kick butt” in a local Movembeard contest. “Like Samson of old, I have not, cannot, and will not shave,” said […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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