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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

New Law Mandates 6:30 Bedtime for Mennonites

January 16, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB After a string of incidents involving Mennonites who stayed up to the unseemly hour of seven or eight, a new Steinbach bylaw requires that all Mennonites be in bed with the lights out […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Resolves Not to Gossip in 2017

January 15, 2017 Andrew

MOUNTAIN LAKE, MN Did you hear about Mrs. Maria Kroeker? I really shouldn’t be telling you this, but, oh, it looks like you really want to know by the way you’re leaning in and cupping […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Wins Award for ‘Most Submissive Wife’

January 14, 2017 Andrew

BROTSCHULD, SK Local man Jakob T. Nikkel was awarded a trophy from the EMBBMC church for “having a submissive wife for a record fifty-five years.” “In all those years, she never once questioned my authority […]

The Daily Bonnet

New CBC Show ‘Pure’ Gets An Enthusiastic ‘Oh ba yo’ From Knels and Annie Krahn

January 10, 2017 Andrew

AYLMER, ON Da Annie and me don’t normally vatch da talavision, but I got da rabbit ears vorking once for sure ven I heard about a new show about da Mannanites yet. I tell to my Annie, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Man Buys Over a Million Dollars in Co-op Gas Just to Get a Huge Dividend Cheque

January 9, 2017 Andrew

STE. ANNE, MB Area man Jeremy Thiessen used the equity on his chicken farm to buy over a million dollars of fuel at the local Co-op this past year, hoping for a really awesome dividend cheque in spring. […]

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